Wednesday, February 26, 2014

6 Ways to Deal With Being Gassy in Public

It happens. You had Chipotle or broccoli... or it could even be from the three bean salad you had for lunch. You are gassy but you REALLY don't feel like chugging down the nasty Pepto or popping the GasX. Perhaps you would use these fart-busting medications if they were readily available, but sometimes a case of the toots sneaks up on you unexpectedly and the next thing you know, you are out about wafting through the entire town.

Here are 6 simple ways of dealing  
with a case of the farts in public:

1 - Keep moving! Move.. move and MOVE! If you are standing in line at the grocery store you will need to wait until you have checked out and once you have gone through the register MOVE YOUR ASS as quickly as you release those bubbles. Nobody will know. If you let it go while you are in line then EVERYONE will know it's you.

2- Hold it in! This is probably the most polite thing to do but it isn't the best thing for your body. This can cause your tummy to hurt. If you are standing, you may be forced to squeeze your buttcheeks, causing you to rotate your pelvic area uncomfortably. People might even notice you doing this. Also - it's not full proof! It could STILL come out.

3 - Denial.. "it wasn't me".. This only works if you are in close proximity with at least 4 other people and in a place where it wouldn't be so obvious.. like in a busy bar or at a party. You can deny deny deny that it was you. You can also pass the blame onto another unsuspecting victim.

4 - Go to the bathroom. "Here I sit broken hearted....Came to sh*t but only farted" It's sad when this happens but even if you don't produce any real turds, you can at least get out as much air as possible before venturing back out into society. It's OK if other people in the bathroom hear you because that's what bathrooms are for!

5 - Ignore it. Pretend you never farted. Pretend it didn't make any noise (even if it did) and pretend it doesn't stink. It's possible that the people around you will follow your lead and not say anything about it. It's also possible that they won't even notice - this is highly unlikely, but there is a small chance they won't.

6 - Last resort.. Fess up, apologize and excuse yourself. "I'm sorry..SO sorry..I'm having some tummy issues".. this is the only option if there is no other way to get out of it. If you are in the car with one other person and the windows are up, pretend you're hot and put your window down ALL THE WAY.. even if it is 4 degrees outside. They might still smell it but at least you tried. But if you are sitting in a room with one other person and there is no reason for getting up, or if you are in a meeting and the air sneaks out.....fessing up is your only option.

Britney Spears - Hold it Against Me Official Music Video PARODY

about having to fart on a date. 


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